No more Irish car bombs ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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