New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
