HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
