Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
