it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
