I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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