dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
