thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
