On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
