I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
