kristin has been a bad kristin
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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