He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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