His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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