READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize