Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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