Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
