OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
