I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I want to make a zoo with you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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