And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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