Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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