Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
