so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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