this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
