Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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