absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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