hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
All I want is dick and wine.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
