Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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