forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize