I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
