I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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