Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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