I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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