I think I just saw someone hide a body.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
