who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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