Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
