apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
