how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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