I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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