Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
