Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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