My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
