She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Your penis caused this!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
