Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
