the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
