When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
