Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
