Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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