when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
