something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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