Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
