I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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