Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
