i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
