It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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