haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
