Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
