i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
