david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
