ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
