i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
