saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
