What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
