Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
