would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
