too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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