clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
