Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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