Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
