So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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