On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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