a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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