kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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