You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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