I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
