i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm like, not good at living.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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