We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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