Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
