I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
