I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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