3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
