I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
