Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
