I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
