if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize