She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
