Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
