Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
